Out of Shadows
by AuraLily
Summary: Lilly goes to Scotty to offer comfort, but things don't go exactly as she planned.
1. Default Chapter

1Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the computer that I'm writing this on.

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Cold Case fanfiction and is just my little attempt at bypassing all of the Christina unpleasantness. All feed back is greatly appreciated.

"Damn it, Scotty, this is the fourth time that I've called you. Either call me back or I'm coming over there to check on you." She took a deep breath, fighting back the frustration that she could feel rising in her voice. "We're all worried about you, Scotty. Just call me, okay?"

Lilly hung up the phone and leaned back in her chair, her eyes settling on the empty desk where her partner could usually be found. There was paperwork to be done, other calls to be made, but it all seemed unimportant. A warehouse full of boxes, each representing a lost life that had waited too long for justice, should have been calling to her, begging for her attention. She didn't understand why it wasn't. Lilly's career was her life but, for the first time, her work had lost the power to hold her full attention.

From the moment that she had learned of Elissa's death, she had been distracted by thoughts of the devastation that her partner must be experiencing. After she'd spoken to Stillman and Jefferies, the only people in the department that had actually spoken to him, her worry for him had increased to the point that she could barely concentrate on even the most basic work related tasks. Her focus was shattered and she still had no ideas as to how she was going to approach Scotty or even if she should. If what she'd heard was true, there was a good chance that he wouldn't appreciate her coming around.

A loud crack sounded in her ear, startling Lilly from her thoughts. When she turned to find the source of the noise, she found Vera standing at her side, grinning down at her.

"You still in there, Rush? I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes."

Lilly gave herself a mental shake. It wouldn't do for anyone to know that she had been so lost in thought over Scotty. They might get the wrong idea, think that she felt more for him than simple friendship. If that happened she would never hear the end of it. "What can I do for you, Vera?"

He settled himself on the edge of her desk. "As I was saying before I was so rudely ignored, shifts over and we're going for drinks. You interested?"

Usually she wouldn't hesitate to say yes since her evenings out with the boys were always amusing and she had found that they also helped to take the sharper edges off of the loneliness that she felt when she returned to her empty apartment. Even though Christina was now living with her, the feeling of being alone was something that rarely left Lilly. There weren't many people that she trusted and fewer still that she allowed herself to care for. It was for that reason that she hesitated. Somehow, when she wasn't looking, her feelings had gone far beyond those expected of a partnership. As hard as she had fought against it, Scotty had become one of those people that she cared about. It was the strength of her feelings, though, that scared her.

However, Lilly had never been one to back down from a challenge. Her mind made up, she rose from her chair and began gathering her things. "I'll have to take a raincheck on the drinks. There's something that I need to do. Something that I should have done awhile ago. But next time I'll get the first round to make up for abandoning you."

There was no reason why she couldn't make at least one of her boys happy tonight.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

1Disclaimer: Once again, I own nothing. Did anyone actually think that I did?

A/N: All reviews are greatly appreciated and encouraged! Also, I have a lot of work to complete before graduation so updates might be a little slow in coming.

She stood outside his door, her hand raised to knock, when her nerves got the best of her. Lilly paused, her knuckles a fraction of an inch from the door, but she couldn't bring herself to close that tiny gap. If she actually knocked, if Scotty opened the door, it would mean that she was really there. That she was really going to do this when she still had no idea what to say or what her feelings for Scotty might really be. The whole situation terrified her in a way that facing down an armed criminal never could.

Lilly took a deep breath, fighting back the nerves that were causing her stomach to flutter like a young girl about to go on her first date. It was ridiculous, really. It was only Scotty, the partner that she saw everyday. She was there to see how he was coping with the death of his long time girlfriend, not to make a move on him herself. So what if her own feelings were a little confused at the moment? She was tough and had been through things that made this situation seem like nothing. She could deal with anything that came her way.

"You just keep telling yourself that,"she whispered to herself, her voice seeming unnaturally loud in the silence of the hall. Lilly smiled at her own indecision and finally allowed her hand to connect, the hollow thud echoing through the apartment. She waited several moments and had turned to go when she heard the door swing open behind her.

Whatever amusement she'd been feeling disappeared when she got her first glimpse of Scotty since he'd been told of Elissa's death. Gone was her perfectly groomed, well dressed partner and in his place stood a man that Lilly barely recognized. His jaw was shadowed with several days worth of stubble, his hair uncombed. It was his eyes, though, that shocked her the most. They were hollow, heavily ringed with exhaustion, but it was the devastation that she saw in them that tore at her heart.

It was a look that she had seen before, in her own eyes and in the eyes of countless victims that she had encountered over the years. That look of bleak hopelessness, of helpless suffering so great that it drained you of everything but the bitter pain that was consuming your existence. Seeing it again in Scotty's eyes hurt Lilly in a way that she had never imagined possible.

He stepped back, allowing her past him into the apartment. Even though they had been partners for more than a year now, Lilly had never been to Scotty's home and he had never seen the inside of her's. In spite of herself, she was intrigued at the glimpse that she was being given into the private life of the man that she spent countless hours with everyday, but had never allowed herself to get to know on a more personal level. At the time, she'd let her fears get the best of her but, now that she beginning to come to terms with the growing affection that she felt for Scotty, Lilly could appreciate the insight that she was gaining.

His was a typical bachelor's apartment with little in the way of decoration, the furniture comfortable but worn. What bothered her, though, were the obvious steps that he had taken to close himself off from the outside world. The curtains were tightly shut, the only light provided by a small table lamp that cast the room into shadows. Nearby, she could see where the phone cord had been pulled from the wall, giving Lilly an explanation as to why her many calls to his home had gone unanswered.

Scotty finally spoke, interrupting her silent contemplation. "Hey, Lil. I thought you'd be one of the first people to show up. I already talked to Stillman and Jefferies and I'm supposed to meet Nick for drinks later."

She gave a slight shrug, still vaguely uncomfortable with the reason behind her avoidance. "I figured that I'd give you a little space. I've gone through enough bad times in my life to know that sometimes the last thing you want is a lot of people crowding around, asking if you're okay when you're obviously not. Wanting you to say that you're gonna to be fine when all you want to do is curl up in a dark room somewhere and forget that you're still alive."

She hadn't meant to say that much, to give that much of herself away, but as soon as she opened her mouth it had all come pouring out. She hadn't been able to help herself when she saw the state that he was living in. One glance at his face, though, and Lilly began to wish that she had kept her mouth shut. Scotty was glaring at her, his shoulders hunched and his hands jammed defensively in the pockets of his hoodie.

"I appreciate the concern, but that's not what's going on. I don't care what you think you know because this time you're wrong. I just needed a little time away from everyone to clear my head. That alright with you?"

Lilly raised her hands as though she were warding off her partner's sudden hostility. She'd known that she had struck a nerve, but she hadn't expected Scotty to immediately go on the attack. The fact that he was directing so much anger at her didn't bother her, though. Anger could be good. Lilly knew from personal experience that it caused more damage to hold everything inside. That it ate at you like acid until the part of your heart that allowed you to care, to love unconditionally, slowly died away leaving behind nothing but bitter acceptance. It was better to get it all out and it was that thought that compelled her to push just a little further.

"Whatever you say. There's just one thing though, Scotty." She nodded towards the tightly closed curtains. "You can't hide in the dark forever. Eventually, you'll have to deal with what happened and pushing away everyone that cares about you isn't going to help you do that."

Just as Lilly had expected, no sooner had the words left her mouth than the explosion began. She rocked back on her heels, projecting a false sense of calm as she prepared herself to take the impact of all of his repressed rage and pain. She'd wanted the floodgates open and Lilly was about to get her wish.


End file.
